Five Nights at Freddy's: Sister Location Parody
by XA2000
Summary: This is a parody, which means I'll be poking fun at Five Nights at Freddy's: Sister Location. If you come from the acidic side of the FNAF fandom then read this warning. WARNING: Side effects of reading this story include, but are not limited to: Chronic facepalming, impulsive table flipping, seething rage, and much worse if you're so acidic that you melt straight through diamond.
1. Night 1, Humble and Humorous Beginnings

Chapter 1: Night 1, Humble and Humorous Beginnings

 **A/N:I do not own the Five Nights at Freddy's franchise, and you better be glad I don't.**

* * *

 **Okay, I have to create a main character for this story...ummmm. How about a basic male anime guy? You know, skinny body, wears black shoes, blue pants, a tucked in white button up shirt, basic face, basic head shape, and spiky black hair. Got that description in your head? Not the head between your legs gentlemen, I mean the head where your brain is located. Using the right head this time? Good. Let's a go!**

* * *

 **Our story opens up with this basic anime character going down a rickety industrial elevator. But what's his backstory? Why did he choose this job? What's his real name? Who are his friends? Does he even have any friends? When is his birthday? None of this matters though because all we care about are the animatronics and Purple Guy.**

 **So anyway, Mr. Basic is going down this elevator to start his new job and-**

" _Hey, I'm the only_ _disembodied voice who can antagonize our basic character"_

 **Well well well, looks like the comical Hand Unit wants to poke fun at our character. I'll let him do his job while I merely narrate. Ahem, while going down the elevator our character heard a slightly robotic voice say** " _Hey, I'm the only_ _disembodied voice who can antagonize our basic character"_ **, which took him surprise.**

"Um, hello? Is someone watching me?" the black haired man asked.

 _"Well technically there are two people watching you, me and the narrator. Unfortunately you can only hear my voice and not the narrator's, but I can hear him"_

 **The prickly haired man stared up to the ceiling in confusion.**

 _"Let me start over. Welcome, to the first day of your exciting new career. Whether you were approached at a job fair, read our ad in screws bolts and hair pins, or if this was the result of a dare, we welcome you"_

"We?" our bland protagonist questioned.

 _"We, as in the owners of this establishment, possibly Mr. Afton A.K.A Purple Guy, Ennard, the narrator, and myself"_

"Wait, Mr. Afton, Purple Guy, Ennard, the narrator, and you? Who-?"

 _"Moving on"_ **Hand Unit oh so rudely interjected.**

 _"I will be your personal guide to help you get started. I'm a model 5 of the Handy Man's Robotics Unit and Repair System, but you can call me Hand Unit"_

"Can I call you Handy?"

 _"No"_

"Hand Man?"

 _"N_ _o"_

"Handy Manny?

 _"Stop, before I remotely disconnect the cable holding this elevator, and let you fall all the way down this shaft to an untimely death"_

"Sorry Mr. Hand Unit" the raven haired man apologized in fear.

 _"Please, no formalities. Your new career promises challenge,_ _intrigue, and endless janitorial opportunities"_

 **A touchscreen keypad suddenly flipped up out of nowhere in front of...hey Hand Unit, can I please make fun of this character? It's getting really hard to come up with different names for him without mocking.**

 _"Fine, but I get the last slice of pizza"_

 **Deal. Anyway, a touchscreen keypad suddenly flipped up out of nowhere in front of Basic McBasic pants, thus scaring him. And I'm not going through the trouble of even explaining how this...goofy looking, kiddie dinosaur touchscreen keypad appeared...unless it's attached to our character's crotch.**

 _"Please enter your name as seen above the keypad. This cannot be changed later, so please be careful"_

 **Basic Bob did as he was told and tried to enter his name in the keypad. But due to some unexplained glitches the letters kept spazzing out, which caused our character to enter random letters.**

 _"It seems that you had some trouble with the keypad. I see what you were trying type, and I will auto-correct it for you. One moment. Welcome, Eggs Benedict"_

"Woah, you actually auto-corrected my my name right!" Our character now known as Eggs Benedict said ecstatically... **wait, what?**

 _"Your real name is Eggs Benedict?"_

"Yeah, my parents didn't have good baby naming skills" Eggs explained, **or should I say...eggsplained.**

 _"You really had to say that pun?"_

 **Well I would've said it earlier if somebody read Mr. Benedict's job application.**

 _"You said hire a guy that looked like a basic anime character, and I did just that"_

 **Yeah, but when you hire somebody you don't ONLY look at his or her profile picture. You also read through his or her application to see what their NAME is, see what they're good at, and run their name through the criminal database. Which means if you had found out Eggs' real name, then I could've come up with some eggscellent puns.**

 _"Fine, fine. I accept full responsibility for not providing you with his name earlier"_

 **The basic anime character of the day kept wondering who Hand Unit was talking to.**

 _"I'm talking to the narrator, who YOU can't hear"_

 **Mr. Perfect Benedict wondered if the Hand Unit was crazy.**

 _"No, I'm not crazy"_

 **Basic Boyd wondered if he was crazy for taking this job.**

 _"No, you're not...actually I take that back. Yes, you are crazy for taking this job"_

 **Egg salad wondered if he should leave his new job.**

 _"Sigh"_

 **Hand Unit started getting aggravated at how the narrator kept reading Egg Benedict's thoughts.**

 _"Can you stop doing that?"_

 **How else is the reader going to know what Mr. Bend a dick is thinking?**

 _"I get that, but you don't have to read every little thought. It gets annoying, and boring after awhile. Then there's the fact that by doing this you'll drag out the story even longer"_

 **...Fine.**

 ** _*BUUZZZZ*_**

 **A buzzing sound that sounded like an old dryer going off made it's presence known in the elevator, and came to a stop when the elevator finished it's descent. Then a moment later, a little jingle starting playing for a few seconds, which Hand Unit cut off by saying** _"You can now open the elevator using that bright, red, and obvious button. Let's get to work"_

 **Eggs did as he was prompted, and pressed the bright red obvious button to the right of the elevator door. The double elevator doors opened to reveal a wall with yellow caution tape on it, and just below it was an uncovered vent.**

 _"Crawl through the vent in front of you to start your new, and wondrous job"_

"You want me to crawl through THAT vent?" Rafanata (A type of omelette usually made with eggs, horseradish, and cheese) asked, skeptical of if Hand Unit was serious.

 _"Do you want to get paid?"_

 **Eggs Benedict proceeded to crawl through the vent.**

 _"That's what I thought"_

 **After a few seconds of crawling, Hand Unit decided to pester our prisoner.**

 _"Allow me to fill this somewhat frightening silence with some lighthearted banter. Due to the massive success, and even more so of the unfortunate closing of Freddy Fazbear Pizza. It was clear that the stage was set, no pun intended, for another contender in children's entertainment. Unlike most entertainment venues, our robotic entertainers are rented out for private parties during the day. And it's your job to get the robots back in proper working order, before the following morning"_

 **Right after Hand Unit's supposed lighthearted banter, E.B entered the main hub of this establishment.**

 _"What do you mean my "Supposed lighthearted banter"?"_

 **Banter means the playful and friendly exchange of teasing remarks. Nothing you said was teasing in the slightest, it was straight and to the point.**

 **Hand Unit rolled his nonexistent eyes.**

 _"You are now in the primary control module. It's actually a crawlspace between the two front showrooms. Now, if you could ever so kindly go back the way you came and go home, we'll gladly welcome you back tomorrow night"_

"...What? But shouldn't I learn how to do my job?" Basic Bill inquired in confusion.

 _"Don't worry, you'll learn all of that tomorrow night"_

"Then what was the point of me coming down here tonight?" Basic Bullet Bill (Super Mario) pressed further.

 _"To introduce the reader to you, me, and the narrator. Plus the real life video game Five Nights at Freddy's: Sister Location did the exact same thing with night 1. In said game night 2 was the same as night 1, except it wasn't a short tutorial, and had more action"_

"Wha-? Okay that's it! I'm not leaving until you tell me who you are, who this quote unquote narrator is, who Mr. Afton A.K.A Purple Guy is, who Ennard is, tell me why I'm here, and tell me what Five Nights at Freddy's: Sister Location is!" Eggnog shouted, wanting to start a fluffy kerfuffle of a soufflé.

 _"Leave now or risk not getting paid"_

 **Since Khai yat sai (A type of Thai omelette) needed the cash for some unexplained reason that I don't care about, he took his skinny butt back through the vent and up the elevator.**

 _"That went better than eggspected"_ **Hand Unit joked.**

 **Your egg pun was pretty bad Hand Unit, but omelet that one slide :)**

 **Hand Unit sucked his nonexistent teeth, and some how walked out of the story in a huff.**

 **What's the matter Handy? Can't take a little yolk...get it? Yolk, Joke? #LOL this is gr8.**

* * *

 **Later that night Mr. Benedict was watching a basic anime. One where the main character is a skinny black haired protagonist who had a normal life until some random event happened which thrusts him into a world of magic, and Harem where all the girls fall in love with him. Yeah, basic.**

* * *

 **A/N:Hope you liked the story, and if you didn't, feel free to leave a hate comment. I'll make sure to make you even more angry. Because as an old internet troll once said "If you have haters, you must be doing something right". Seriously, look at how many people hate Teen Titans Go, now look at the ratings. That show is doing something right :)**


	2. Night 2, the Baby, Ballerina, and Bear

Chapter 2: Night 2, the Baby, Ballerina, and Bear

 **A/N:I do not own the Five Nights at Freddy's franchise, and you better be glad I don't. I expected a more negative response when this story was first posted. Guess the FNAF fandom changed after all this time. Anyway, chapter 2 gets a little weird, especially with Ballora. So mentally prepare yourself.**

* * *

 **Chapter 2 of our story opens up with this basic anime character going down a rickety industrial elevator again.**

 _"Welcome back for another night of intellectual stimulation, pivotal career choices, and self-reflection on past mistakes"_

"It was a mistake to choose this job" Eggs Benedict thought aloud.

 _"Well it's not untrue; but why did you come back?"_

"For money"

 _"Ah, a basic human drive. Well, we're committed to creating a unique, and fulfilling work eggsperience"_

"Talking to an A.I isn't already unique?" Onsen tamago (Traditional Japanese boiled eggs) asked Hand Unit.

 _"It wouldn't be in 2017, but the narrator has no idea when this game takes place. Mostly because the Five Night's at Freddy's timeline is more confusing than the Legend of Zelda timeline"_

"...How do you know what the Legend of Zelda is, and again, what is Five Night's at Freddy's?"

 _"One part of that commitment is ensuring that you don't get tired of the voice that you're hearing right now"_ **Hand Unit said, thus avoiding the question.**

 **Yet again, that all so familiar touchscreen keypad suddenly flipped up out of nowhere in front of Basic Boiled Egg. Wait a second, if this** **goofy looking kiddie dinosaur touchscreen keypad didn't have a touchscreen on it, then it would have big gaping mouth...*gasp*! This thing caused the bite of 87! Or is it the bite of 83?**

 **Hand Unit shook his nonexistent head.**

 _"Using the keypad below, please select a new companion voice. For male, press 1. For female, press 2. For text-only, press 3. For other options, press 4"_

"Um, there aren't even any numbers on this thing" Eggy pointed out.

 _"Yes there are, just use your imagination. For instance, the letter I, is number 1. The letter S, is a backwards number 2. The letter E, is a backwards number 3. Then number 4 is...the letter A?"_

"...Alright"

 **Our basic anime guy proceeded to press S for female. But yet again, due to some unexplained glitches the letters kept spazzing out, which caused our character to enter a random letter.**

 _"It seems that you had some trouble with the keypad. I see what you were trying to type, and I will auto-correct it for you. Thank you for choosing...angsty teen"_

 **Also, due to conventional and reference reasons, the angsty teen voice sounded like Napoleon Dynamite.**

 _"Oh gosh, really?"_ **N** **apoleon Dynamite Hand Unit asked.**

 **Really.**

 ** _*BUUZZZZ*_**

 **A buzzing sound that sounded like an old dryer going off made it's presence known in the elevator, and came to a stop when the elevator finished it's descent. Then a moment later, a little jingle starting playing for a few seconds, which** **N** **apoleon** **Hand Unit cut off by saying** _"The elevator stopped, you know the routine. Get out now or, whatever. Stay here if you want"_

 **Then right after that, the elevator doors opened.**

"I can stay here?" Basic Barry asked.

 _"Yeah, that's what I said"_

"Alright"

 **Avgolemono (A family of sauces and soups made with egg and lemon juice) began to walk to the back of the elevator, and leaned against the wall.**

"So, what are you gonna do while I relax?"

 _"Whatever I feel like I wanna do, gosh!"_

"Alright, geez. No need to get all angsty on me" Mr. Benedict joked.

* * *

 **5 Minutes later**

"ZZZZZ...ZZZZ...ZZ"

 **Basic Bartholomew was fast asleep while leaning on the back elevator wall, which annoyed Hand Unit Dynamite.**

 _"Gosh! Will you wake up already!"_

 **This sudden outburst caused our character to instantly wake up.**

"Huh? Wha-? How long was I out?"

 _"5 minutes"_

"Oh really? It didn't feel like 5 minutes"

 _"It was 5, and you do know I was kidding when I said you can stay here, right?_

"You sounded pretty serious to me"

 _"Whatever, now go do your job and crawl through that vent"_ **Napoleon Unit ordered.**

"Sir yes sir"

 **After that verbal trade of blows, Egg Salad Supreme started crawling through the vent.**

 _"So, funny story. A dead body was found in this vent once"_ **Hand Dynamite told Sir Basic, which caused unneeded stress.**

"Uh...how is that even remotely funny?"

 _"Okay, so, not that funny but, it's a story"_

"Can I go home?"

 _"It's your choice if you want to get paid or not"_

 **Even though alarms were going off in Akashiyaki's (A small piece of octopus encased in a round egg mix) head, he still wanted to get paid, so he traversed further.**

 _"Where are you getting all these different egg names from?"_

 **I literally have a Wikipedia page of Egg Dishes pulled up right now :)**

 _"Ah"_

 **Century Egg entered the main hub of the establishment.**

 _"Alright, before we begin, may I point out the three heads in the back left of the room?"_

"What about them?"

 _"If you press them you can make some pretty sick beats"_

"You don't say?"

 **Deviled Eggs began to play with the heads...not the head between your legs gentlemen.**

"Uh, yeah, uh, yeah"

"They call me Eggs Benedict"

"It rhymes with perfect"

"It also rhymes with dick, but I don't suck it"

"And I don't care if this rap is inappropriate"

"If it wasn't for money"

"I'd be outta here lickety split"

"Unless the money's counterfeit"

"Then I have to contradict"

"This primary control module looks like a cockpit"

"But cock is dick"

"And again, I don't suck it"

"Wiggity, wiggity, wuuuut?"

 _"Gosh, that rap was horrible"_

"I don't see you spitting and dropping dope fire verses" Omelette shot back.

 **Oh man, we haven't even gotten to the animatronics and I'm already laughing XD**

 _"Okay, let's start with your nightly chores. You should check on Ballora and make sure she's on her stage but, whatever"_

 **Poached Egg somehow knew that he needed to press the top blue button on the left panel, and pressed it.**

 **When the light in Ballora's** **auditorium came on, Basic Butt saw Ballora's silhouette right up against the glass. Thus making him scream like a girl.**

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKK! She's right in front of the glass!"

 _"Don't worry about it, she just wants you to zap her"_

"Why would I need to zap an animatronic? They aren't alive...right?"

 _"Gosh! Just zap her already so you can go home and possibly get paid"_

 **Still wanting to get paid even with blaring alarm bells going off in his head, Basted Egg (Sunny-side-up eggs that are slightly cooked on the top) pressed the bottom red button.**

 **A loud electrifying zap that partially lit up** **Ballora's** **auditorium was created. Afterwards, something similar to some sort of robotic creature being tortured could be heard.**

"What in the known creation of the Universe was that!?"

 _"That's just Ballora being turned on"_

"Turned on?"

 _"Turned on sexually, gosh"_

"...Uh..."

 **It will make since if you keep reading.**

 _"Never mind all that. Let's check on Funtime Foxy. Make sure he's ready for showtime tomorrow"_

"But-"

 _"No work, no pay"_

 **Basic Berry sighed before turning to the right panel, and pressing the top blue button.**

 **Just like with Ballora, Foxy's silhouette was up against the glass when the lights came on.**

 _"Great"_ **A distorted Hand Unit voice said.**

"Great? But Foxy isn't on his stage"

 _"Great"_

"But Foxy isn't-"

 _"Great"_

"But-"

 _"Great"_

"Ugh" A defeated basic anime character said.

 _"Great"_

 **The last great was followed by a moment silence, which Hand Unit broke by saying** _"There seems to have been a problem with the voice synthesizer. Default settings have been restored"_

"Good, your Napoleon Dynamite voice was getting irritating"

 _"Keep up that attitude and you won't be getting paid"_

 **Basic Buford clammed up.**

 _"Good. Please proceed through the vent shaft ahead of you to Circus Baby's Auditorium"_

 **Even though the alarm bells in Eggs' head were so loud that you could practically hear them if you were standing next to him, he went ahead and crawled through the vent anyway. Also without any** **unnecessary commentary from Hand Unit.**

 **Mr. Basic Robertson made it to Circus Baby's Auditorium.**

 _"Circus Baby had a busy day today. Let's check the light, and make sure she's in proper working order"_

 **Egg Tart pressed the top blue button on the right panel. A light shined in the room, but he couldn't see anything.**

 _"Oh Circus Baby, we aren't here to play Hide and Seek. Let's encourage Baby to come out of hiding with a controlled shock"_

"Oh, so it's called a "controlled" shock" Average Joe teased.

 _"Don't make me control shock the room your in right now"_

"You make a lot of empty threats" Shirred eggs (Also known as baked eggs) brought up.

 _"Oh rly?"_

 _ ***BZZZZZZRRRRRRRRTTT***_

 **The room our unfortunate character was in got a controlled shock. Which made him start shaking like a salt shakah, and fall to the ground.**

 _"Try me again boy, or I swear fo Jesus on the next shock yo ass ain't gettin' back up"_ **Hand Unit stated in a Tyler Perry Madea voice.**

"Okay, okay I'll do it, God damn" Mr. Bend a Dick muttered as he got up.

 _"You talkin' back, and cursin' at me!?"_

"No, no, please, I'm sorry" Eggs Benedict pleaded.

 _"Oh, cause I was about to come down there and drop the hammer on yo skinny behind. Now go over there and give that Circus robot, or whatever the hell it is a controlled shock"_ **Hand Unit told Mr. Basic, still using the Madea voice.**

 **Not wanting to be the main antagonist in the dairy of a mad black woman, or make a black woman take off her earrings, our character obeyed.**

 _ ***Brt***_

 **Pressing the bottom red button didn't seem to do anything.**

"Um, Madea. The power isn't working"

 _"If you fail once, try, try again until you knock the absolute point zero hell out of 'em...wait that only works in a fight. Just press the button again"_

 **Mr. Benedict pressed it again.**

 _ ***Brt***_

 **Again, nothing happened.**

 _"Hm? Hold on, there's a power malfunction. Keep yo ass in that room, I gotta go reboot the system. I'll be offline for a while, and other systems like security doors, vent locks, and...oxygen? How the hell is oxygen apart of the...whatever. Just keep yo behind in there, bye"_

"W-wait!"

 **Too late, the Madea Hand Unit turned off all the power, leaving our poor character in the room by himself.**

"I don't recognize you. You are new" A creepy female voice suddenly said.

"WHO SAID THAT!?" Our spooked character shouted.

"Y-you talked back to me?" the female voice said surprised.

"YEAH I TALKED BACK TO YOU, NOW WHO ARE YOU!?"

"I-I'm Circus Baby, sorry if I sounded surprised earlier. Previous employees who have worked here never talked back, it was like they were a silent protagonist" Circus Baby eggsplained.

 **I'm looking at you Mike Schmidt, Jeremy Fitzgerald, and whoever was the security guard in FNAF 3.**

"But you're an animatronic. How can you talk on your own free will?"

"Um...There is space under the desk. Someone before you crafted it into a hiding place, and it worked for him" Baby told Eggs, avoiding the question"

"Hold up! I want answers damn it!" Chawanmushi (An egg custard dish found in Japan) demanded.

"I recommend that you hurry though. You will be safe there, just try not to make eye contact. It will be over soon. They will lose interest"

"Nuh-uh. I'm not moving until-"

 **Chicken Egg was cut off by a noise coming from the vent. Which instantly made him go underneath the desk, and pull a sliding cover with holes in it over the desk opening.**

 **After a few seconds of waiting our character saw an eye peer through one of the holes.**

"Hello in there~" A high pitched voice said.

"Nope"

 **Mr. Benedict poked whatever was on the other side in the eye.**

"Ouch!" the high pitched voice said in pain as the eye moved away.

 **3 seconds later the eye appeared in another hole.**

"You poked me in my eye!"

"And I'm fearing for my life" Eggs responded seriously.

 **Coddled Egg poked the eye again.**

"Ouch! That's it, I'm out of here!" the high pitched voice huffed in anger.

 **Mr. Perfect Benedict heard the high pitch voiced thing crawl back through the vent muttering** "I can't believe Ennard has me over here looking through holes and getting poked in the eye. That dude almost made me go blind!"

 **The noises coming from the vent faded away, leaving Egg Drop Soup all alone in silent darkness. But Baby broke this silence by suddenly saying** "When your guide comes back online, he...she, is going to tell you that she was unsuccessful, and that you must restart the system manually. She will then tell you to crawl through Ballora Gallery as fast as you can to reach the Breaker Room. If you follow her instruction, you will die"

"Die!?"

"Ballora will not return her stage anymore. She will catch you" Baby continued.

"Um...you said I would die the first time, now you're telling me that Ballora's gonna catch me. Which one is she going to do? Catch me, or kill me?"

"Both" Baby responded.

"Eggsplain"

"Well, Ballora will catch you, and then have Ennard perform a control shock on both of you. Which will kill you"

"...Eggsplain in detail"

"Ballora gets turned on when she's electrocuted by herself, but even more so when someone is with her" Baby elaborated.

"Oh...my...God. W-why would an animatronic get turned on from that? Matter of fact, why would an animatronic get turned on at all?" Egg Sandwich asked in utter shock.

"She used to be a sex robot/stripper that had her fair share of sexual kinks programmed into her"

"WHAT THE FU-"

 **Before our character could even finish his sentence, the power and the Madea Hand Unit came back online talking noise.**

 _"Boy, what did I tell you about that damn cursin'!?"_

"S-sorry Ms. Madea" Basic Bryan apologized.

 _"Good, because I can't reboot the power autermatically. So you gon' have to make yo self useful, and crawl up through Ballora's Gallery to reach the Breaker Room"_

"Um..."

 _"What? You scared of that Ballerina? I hear she used to be a stripper like me, just make it rain dolla bills on her if you get caught. She might leave you alone, heh heh heh"_

"Okaaaay..." Egg khesh trailed off in uncertainty.

 _"Also, make sure you stay low to the ground, and reach the other side as fast as possible so you don't disturb that girl. Unless you want to spend money making it rain on her"_

"No ma'am"

 _"Alright then. I'll shut myself off so I won't disturb her either. Deactervating"_

"...You mispronounced deactivating"

 _"Boy, that is called southern twang. Which means if I misssssspronounce something, it's pronounced correctly in the south"_

"Oh...Okay" Eggnog said, not believing her.

 _"Good. Deactervating"_

 **With the Madea Hand Unit deactervated, Basic Benedict made his way back to the primary control module, and went to Ballora's Gallery. After entering, Egg Yolk noticed that the room was pitch dark, eggcept for a light shining on the opposite side of the room above the Breaker Room door.**

 **Just when Mirza-Qasem (Eggs, Tandoori or kabobed aubergine, tomato, seasoned with garlic, salt and pepper) started crawling towards the Breaker Room, he heard a creepy musical tune start playing along with singing.**

"Why do you hide inside your walls, when there is music in my holes" Ballora creepily sang.

"I hope she's not singing about the holes I'M thinking about" Pickled Egg thought to himself as he continued crawling.

"All I see is an empty room, no more joy an empty tomb" Ballora continued singing.

"Empty room? Empty tomb? Wait...does she know that I'm not in the primary control module!?" the raven haired man shouted in his mind as he stopped crawling in a cold sweat.

"It's so good to sing all day, to dance, to sing, to fly away" Ballora finished.

"Please don't fly on my di-"

 _"BOY! WHAT THE HELL IS TAKING YOU SO LONG TO GET TO THAT BREAKER ROOM!? I SPECIFICALLY TOLD YOU TO GET THERE AS FAST AS POSSIBLE, REMEMBER?"_

 **The sudden loud talking of the Madea Hand Unit made our character quickly crawl to the Breaker Room, fearing her more than Ballora. And to those who know who Madea is; ya'll would do the eggsact same thing.**

 **When Basic Anime Dude got inside the Breaker Room he immediately noticed loose wires above him, sparking in random intervals. But the one thing that stuck out the most was a regular breaker box, and Funtime Freddy in the back of the room.**

 _"Bout time you got here, now flip the main breaker switch off and on so the power will come back on and you can leave"_

"That's it?"

 _"Uh, yeah. What else did you think you were going to do in a breaker room?"_

"I dunno, something ridiculous like flipping up a tablet and holding all eight restart buttons. While at the same time flipping the tablet down, and playing a mascot response audio to keep Funtime Freddy at bay"

 _"...Boy that is the stupidest thing I've heard in my entire life. Why would someone go through all that trouble just to restart some power?"_

"Again, I dunno"

 _"Boy, flip that damn switch so you can go home"_

 **Quindim (A baked dessert, made chiefly from sugar, egg yolks, and ground coconut) opened the breaker box and turned the main switch off and on.**

 _"Alright, the power's back on. Take yo ass somewhere so I can rest my nerves"_

 **Not wanting to upset the Madea Hand Unit ever further, our character complied. But the second, and I mean at the very fist second Eggs Benedict closed the breaker box, Funtime Freddy popped up out of nowhere in front of him.**

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKK!" Fried Egg screamed like a girl in fear.

"Hey Bon-Bon, I think this is the Birthday boy we have here! We should give him a surprise!" Funtime Freddy told the Bonnie Hand Puppet.

"Uh, i-it's not my Birthday" the raven haired stuttered to answer.

"WHAT!?" Funtime Freddy shouted in surprise.

 **After that proclamation, Funtime Freddy proceeded to angrily fix his bowtie.**

"Now listen here you little shit" Freddy cursed at our character.

"What the-?"

"I don't take too kindly to people telling me it's not their Birthday" Funtime Freddy informed Çılbır (Poached eggs with yogurt, often with garlic mixed in).

"Look man...bear, take it easy. I'm just letting you that it's not my-"

"RRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHH!" Freddy screamed at Eggah (Eggs binding a filling of vegetables and meat, sometimes with Arabic spices).

 **Not wanting to die at this very moment in time, Basic Byron booked it out of the Breaker Room.**

"Hey, get back here and let me celebrate your Birthday!" Funtime Freddy barked.

"Aw, let him be Freddy. He really must not like Birthdays, and you know it's inconsiderate to force things on other people" Bonnie Hand Puppet told Freddy.

"...Oh...my...God...YOU CAN TALK!" Funtime Fazbear eggsclaimed.

"Of course I can talk, why wouldn't I?"

"Because you're nothing more than a measly puppet" Freddy apprised Bonnie.

"A measly puppet!?" Puppet Bonnie repeated. "Why you little!"

 **The Bonnie Hand Puppet lunged at Funtime Freddy's neck, and started strangling him. Akin to how Homer strangles Bart in the Simpsons.**

* * *

 **Back with our basic character, he had just slammed the door to the Breaker Room and stood in Ballora's Gallery, trying to catch his breath.**

"Is someone there?" Ballora asked, alerted to the sound of the Breaker Room door being slammed.

"Crap! I shouldn't have slammed that door!" Egg bhurji chastised himself in his mind.

 **Not wanting to let Ballora know his location, Basic Bumblebee got on all fours and started crawling on the floor to the maintenance vent.**

"I can hear someone creeping through my room" Ballora announced.

 **Eggs Neptune (A variation of Eggs Benedict with crab meat replacing Canadian bacon) stopped in his tracks.**

"Perhaps...not" Ballora assumed.

 **Mr. Benedict breathed a silent sigh of relief, and continued to crawl his way towards the maintenance vent.**

"Psych!"

 **Eggs Muldoon felt someone suddenly grab him by the back of his shirt, and stood him up on his feet. Now our character was face to face with Ballora...well technically face to boobs since she's so tall.**

"At long last, another willing partner to experience the joys of electrocution with me!" Ballora happily told Eggs Benedict.

"Whoa whoa, I'm not-" Eggs Florentine (A variation of Eggs Benedict with spinach replacing Canadian bacon) was cut off by Ballora who embraced him in a tight hug.

"Shh, there's no need to deny your secret fantasy in front of me" the ballerina whisper in our character's ear.

"No, no, and hell no. I do not fantasize about being electrocuted, that sounds crazy!...even though their might be people out there who enjoy that sort of thing"

Ballora stopped hugging him after this "Wait, if you don't like being electrocuted then why are you here?"

"Because I'm the new security guard and technician here. Not someone looking forward to dying due to electrocution" E.G elaborated.

"Hm? But I thought everyone who came in here had an electrocution fetish"

"Why would you think that?"

"Ennard told me everyone who came in here after hours had that sort of fetish"

"Wha-, you know who Ennard is!?"

"Yes"

"Who is he? My Boss? Because Hand Unit keeps name dropping him"

"He's not your boss, he's...some sort of animatronic. I'm not even sure if he is one to be honest"

 **With his mind filled with more questions than answers, Jajka faszerowane (Deviled Eggs. Yolk mixture can vary by region) decided to ask one that might get him killed.**

"Where is he?"

"In the Control Module about to electrocute us"

"WHAT!?"

 **Sure enough when Egg Whites whipped around to look in the Control Module Ennard was standing there, getting ready to press the control shock button!**

"OH SHIT!" Ovos moles de papaia (An egg yolk and papaya pudding) shouted before doing a mad dash towards the maintenance vent.

 **He somehow managed to dive into the vent just before Ballora's Gallery was filled with electrifying blue light.**

"OOOOHHHHHHH YYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH~!" Ballora moaned in euphoric pleasure before falling to the ground.

 **As our character scurried out of the vent, he found himself standing in front of Ennard.**

"Hello, I am Ennard. One of the most mysterious characters in all of FNAF. I will now kill you to complete my unspecified evil plans" Ennard revealed, sounding like the male microsoft text to speech voice.

 **Getting tired of all the shenanigans going on tonight, basic anime guy merely kicked Ennard in his none existent balls and left the facility.**

"Ow. Why did that hurt me? I don't even have genitals" Ennard questioned, hunched over and holding his crotch.

* * *

 **A/N: Sorry I didn't post sooner, I just didn't feel like writing/typing like I normally do. Anyway, leave a comment/review, follow, favorite or whatever. Until next time guys and gals.**

 **P.S I'm highly considering doing a RWBY parody like this. There's one already posted on this website, but the direction I want to go with it is totally different.**


	3. Night 3, What Does the Fox Say? Yiff Me!

Chapter 3: Night 3, What Does the Fox Say? "Yiff Me!"

 **A/N: I do not own the Five Nights at Freddy's franchise, and you better be glad I don't.**

* * *

 **Boy oh boy! Another night of wacky craziness in** **Circus Baby's Entertainment and Rental!**

 _"Why the hell you doin' all that shoutin' narrator?"_ **Hand Unit asked, still using his Madea voice.**

 **Oh God *Proceeds to rummage in pockets* Hand Unit, have a Snickers.**

 _"Why?"_

 **Because you get a little cranky on the third day of your 24/7 shift.**

 ***Hand Unit grabbed the Snickers and ate it***

 **Better?**

 _"Better"_ **Hand Unit replied in his normal voice.**

 **The basic anime character enters the rickety industrial elevator and starts his decent.**

 _"Welcome back to another pivotal night of your thriving new career, where you get to really ask yourself; what am I really doing with my life? What would my friends say? And, most importantly, will I ever see my family again?"_

"This career isn't exactly thriving, more like slowly dying in a corner. Then my life is going down the drain with all this animatronic craziness. I don't have any friends, and my family doesn't even care about me because-"

 _"Wow, nice story. Just wish the audience, narrator, and I cared enough to listen"_

 **Mr. Benedict scowled at the ceiling from which Hand Unit was talking.**

 _"But we understand the stresses of a new job, and we're here for you. To help you reach a more stable, and relaxing frame of mind, we offer several musical selections to help make this elevator ride as relaxing, and therapeutic as possible. We offer Contemporary Jazz, Classical, Rain Forest Ambiance, as well as a wide selection of other choices"_

 **For the third time in this story, that all so familiar touchscreen keypad suddenly flipped up out of nowhere in front of Basic Boiled Egg.**

 _"Using the keypad below, please type the first few letters of the musical selection you would prefer"_

 **Our basic anime guy proceeded to type the first few letters for his music selection. But yet again, also for the third time, some unexplained glitches caused the letters to keep spazzing out, which made our character enter random letters.**

 _"It seems you had some trouble with the keypad. I see what you were trying to type, and I will auto-correct it for you. Thank you for selecting...Casual Ass Slapping Bongos?"_

"Wait, what? But I wanted Rain Forest Ambiance. And what kind of choice is Casual Ass Slapping Bongos?" Kuro-tamago (Black boiled egg, cooked in a sulphur rich hot spring) protested.

 **It was too late however, because the speakers starting playing the sounds of someone's ass being hit like bongos. I won't specify if it's a man or woman having their cheeks smacked upon just to mess with you dear reader.**

 _"I'm gonna have to agree with Eggs on this one. Why is Casual Ass Slapping Bongos an option?"_

 **Because booty cheeks come in pairs like bongos.**

 _"Rrrrriiiiiiiiggggght"_ **Hand Unit said, suspicious of my answer.**

 _"Now back to you. With your elevator experience being "customized" to your needs, and you being "thoroughly" relaxed, it's worth mentioning that due to your lackluster performance yesterday, your pay has been decreased by a substantial amount. Please enjoy the rest of your descent"_

"What the fuck!? That's bullshit! The hell did I even do!?" Loco moco (White rice, topped with a hamburger patty, a fried egg, and brown gravy) angrily questioned Hand Unit.

 _"You failed to arrive to the Breaker Room without me having to rush you along"_ **Hand Unit elaborated.**

"That's fucked up and you know it!"

 _"Meh"_

 ** _*BUUZZZZ*_**

 **A buzzing sound that sounded like an old dryer going off made it's presence known in the elevator, and came to a stop when the elevator finished it's descent. Then a moment later, a little jingle starting playing for a few seconds which stopped after the elevator doors opened. Without any instruction from Hand Unit, our character started crawling through the vent.**

 _"Due to unforeseen malfunctions form today's shows, your nightly duties will require you to perform maintenance that you may or may not be skilled enough to perform"_ **Hand Unit informed Basic Brian.**

"Uh, what do you mean by that?" Nargesi Kebab (A kind of Kofta with a chicken egg in the middle) asked.

 _"I mean, due to me not reading your job application, you've been hired into a job that requires a technical background"_

"But I do have technical background"

 _"Oh really? Well your education in that field doesn't matter now since a child can do what you're about do"_

"...I hate you" Basic Bob insulted.

 _"Cash me ousside how bout that?"_

 **Confusion formed on Eggs Benedict's face.**

 _"Anyway, it became necessary for technicians to attempt to disconnect Funtime Freddy's power module. Due to some apparent strangulation around his neck. However, they were unsuccessful in obtaining the power module. Allowing them to try again would be an inefficient path forward, as we would need to allow 6 to 8 weeks for recovery and physical therapy"_

"Why would they need 6 to 8 weeks for recovery and physical therapy?" Okonomiyaki (Egg and flour mix cooked on a griddle with various added ingredients, having various styles) questioned with a hint of fear in his voice.

 _"Just make sure you have life insurance"_ **Hand Unit warned.**

 **Mr. Benedict entered the** **main hub of the establishment covered in cold sweat.**

 _"Disregarding your well being for a second, you will need to reach the Parts & Service room on the other side of Funtime Auditorium to perform the procedure yourself. Let's check on Ballora first, and make sure she's on her stage"_

 **Even with fear running through his veins, Oyster Omelette looked at the top blue button on the left panel, and pressed it. A light shown in Ballora's auditorium to reveal that the robo ballerina was torn apart on her stage.**

"The heck happened to her?"

 _"She was rented out for a BDSM party"_

"...Uh"

 _"Nevermind that, because it looks like everything is as it should be in Ballora Gallery. Let's check on Funtime Foxy. It's important to make sure she's on her stage before entering"_

"...Didn't you called Funtime Foxy a he last night?" Smoked Egg inquired.

 _"Call who a what?"_

"Funtime Foxy, didn't you call it a he last time?"

 _"Calling Funtime Foxy an "_ **it** _" is so disrespectful. The more respectful, and non triggering term would be "_ **they** _""_ **Hand Unit corrected**

"Your changing the subject"

 _"What were we talking about again?"_

"Funtime Foxy" Basic Barney reminded, getting a little irritated.

 _"Who's that?"_

 **Basic Anime Guy sighed in defeat.**

 _"That's what I thought"_

 **Instead of trying to continue the conversation, Woodcock (Scrambled eggs on toast topped with anchovy) pressed the top blue button on the right panel. The light in Funtime Auditorium turned on to reveal an empty stage.**

 _"Great. It looks like everything is as it should be in Funtime Auditorium"_

"But Foxy isn't on his- her- their, stage" Eggnog corrected himself.

 _"There is no need to check on Baby tonight"_

"What are you talking about her for? Foxy isn't on-"

 _"Please refrain from entering unauthorized areas"_

"Okay, but Foxy-"

 _"Proceed directly to Funtime Auditorium"_

 **The right vent which leads to Funtime Auditorium opened, and only that vent.**

"...Hm" Virgin Boy Egg (Eggs that are boiled in the urine of young boys, preferably under the age of ten **(I know, disgusting right? But it comes from a culture different from America's, so I can't really complain)** ) said perplexed.

" _What_?"

"I dunno, I thought you would've open the Circus Gallery vent. Thus letting me go check on Baby without your permission"

 _"Why would I purposely open the Circus Gallery vent when I just said "Please refrain from entering unauthorized areas", a few seconds ago?"_

"Again, I dunno"

 _"Well either way, Foxy is on their stage. So please proceed directly to Funtime Auditorium"_

"For the last time, Foxy isn't-"

 _"Please proceed directly to Funtime Auditorium"_

"...If I die I'm coming back as a ghost to sue you" Datemaki (An omelet roll, in which rice is wrapped in omelet) muttered in vexation.

 _"Make sure you die from getting stuffed inside an animatronic suit though. It's a foolproof way to come back as a spirit of vengeance in this world"_

 **Egg Curry (A spicy dish made with boiled eggs, tomatoes, and fried onions and normally eaten with bread or rotis) merely thought about how odd Hand Unit's statement was as he entered the Funtime Auditorium vent. Also, without any chatter from Hand Unit, our black haired character arrived to Funtime Auditorium in no time at all, almost as if he teleported there.**

 _"Unlike Ballora, Funtime Foxy is motion activated. For this reason, it's important to keep the room dark, as to not accidentally activate them. You have been provided with a flash beacon"_

"Wait, what?" Basic Anime Dude said before he used the flash beacon. "How the heck did I get this?"

 _"Ask Scott Cawthon. Also, use it if you need to get your bearings, and to ensure you don't bump into anything. However, use it as sparingly as possible"_

"Why?" Eggs Connaught questioned as he used the flash beacon 5 more time.

 _"Because Funtime Foxy's Light Activation Sensor might be activa-"_

 **Funtime Foxy interrupted Hand Unit by jumpscaring our character.**

"SCRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEECH!" Foxy screamed.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKK!" Eggs screamed back like a girl, running past Funtime Foxy all the way to Parts & Service.

 **Flæskeæggekage (An oven baked or pan fried thick omelette topped with crispy bacon, tomatoes and chives) ran into Parts & Service, slamming the door behind him.**

 _"Uh...great job reaching Parts & Service. I'm surprised Funtime Foxy didn't catch you"_

"That...makes two...of us" Goose Egg panted from running.

 _"Yes, now turn on your flashlight so you can see"_

 **Thinking that nothing could possibly jumpscare him again, Gyeranppang (A snack food prepared with egg and rice flour) turned on his flashlight. By doing so, Funtime Freddy's face suddenly popped up, causing a jumpscare. Which Mr. Benedict reacted to by flinching backwards.**

 **Hand Unit stifled a chuckle** _"It seems that Funtime Freddy is out of power, which should make your job much easier. The release switch for the chest cavity is located on the underside of the endoskeleton jaw. To reach it, we will first need to open the face plates"_

"We? Your not down here going through this nightmare of a job"

 _"Alright, let me rephrase that._ _To reach it, YOU will first need to open the face plates, and YOU_ _will need to press the face plate release triggers in a specific order. It's also important to be as precise, and as careful as possi-"_

"Got it" Hangtown Fry (A type of omelette made famous during the California Gold Rush in the 1850s) announced as he held the power module.

 _"What? How did you-"_

"All I did was open Funtime Freddy's chest like a pair of double cabinet doors. I don't get why you were telling me to press all those release switches, and triggers

 _"Okay, uh, great work. You will now be required to remove the secondary power module from the Bonnie Hand Puppet. Press the large, black button beneath Bonnie's bowtie to release the power module"_

"Why would a hand puppet need it's own power module?"

 _"Because...reasons...that never will be eggsplained"_

"...Alright" Basic Bart dismissed.

 **Our Egg named character turned to his left to reach for the Bonnie Hand Puppet, only to find that it was gone! Even though it wouldn't have mattered anyway since the Bonnie Hand Puppet practically vanished into thin air. No matter how fast the character turned towards it in this story, or in the actual video game.**

"What the? It's gone!"

 _"Maybe Bonnie waned to stretch his legs...I mean arms"_

"How? Surely I would've heard him get off of Freddy's Hand" Huevos motuleños (A breakfast food made with eggs on tortillas with black beans and cheese, often with other ingredients such as ham, peas, plantains, and salsa picante) argued.

 _"Bad sound design maybe?_

"...That...that doesn't even make any since"

 _"It does for the people who played, or saw a walkthrough video of Five Nights at Freddy's Sister Location"_

 **Confusion formed on Deviled Eggs' face.**

 _"Just find the measly puppet"_ **Hand Unit derided.**

"MEASLY PUPPET!?" a high pitched voice shouted from behind Freddy.

 **The Bonnie Hand Puppet jumped on top of Funtime Freddy's right shoulder, and began ranting like a triggered YouTuber talking about an idiotic topic.**

"I'm tired of everyone calling me a measly puppet! First it was Funtime Freddy, and now you too Hand Unit!? I swear Handy Manny, if it wasn't for you not having a neck, then I would strangle you like I did Freddy!"

 _"Wait, you're the reason why Funtime Freddy has strangulation around his neck?"_ **Hand Unit questioned.**

"Your God damn right" the Bonnie Hand Puppet confirmed, referencing a famous scene from Breaking Bad.

 _"Wow, I never thought a measly puppet could do so much damage"_

"WHAT IN THE POINT ZERO FUCK DID YOU SAY TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!?"

 _"Uh, I said-"_

"No, no, you just shut the fuck up Hand Unit, because I have had it! I'm gonna join forces Ennard, and be his right hand man...puppet. Either way, when I help him complete his unspecified evil plans, I'm gonna be coming for you"

 _"But I'm-"_

"And you might say _"But I'm an A.I, you can't possibly hurt me"_ , and you would be right...in this world"

 _"Would you care to elaborate on that?"_

"In this world, or should I say this world created by the narrator, we are nothing more than fictional characters that the real world FNAF fans love" Bonnie elaborated.

 _"Okay...your point being?"_

"I mean, after I strangle Ennard, due to me deceiving him, I'll make William Afton build me a machine. A machine that'll allow me to break the fourth wall and kill the narrator, thus letting me take control of this story, and rewriting it so you, Hand Unit, will suffer a fate worse than death!"

 _"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Bonnie! That's not in your script!"_

 **Yeah, and I really don't feel like dying anytime soon.**

"I'm goin' off script! I'm goin' off the chain! I'm goin' off on all of you motherfuckers for calling me a measly puppet! I'll make it my life goal to see each and everyone of you suffer! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-"

 **The Bonnie Hand Puppet was turned off by Eggs Benedict who grabbed Bon-Bon's power module.**

"Yeesh, what got into him?"

 _"It's a long story"_

"I got time" Indian omelette told Hand Unit.

 _"No, I mean it's a backstory that the narrator didn't feel like coming up with. So I can't tell you anything since I'm not the one writing this story"_

"I'll...take that as an eggcceptable answer" Basic Bernard lied.

 _"Well anyway, you've acquired both power modules. This completes your tasks for the night. Please exit the building through Funtime Auditorium, and we'll see you back here again tomorrow"_

"Thank God, I'm going home to watch some anime" Our Character said as started walking towards the exit.

 _"I bet it's basic"_ **Hand Unit scoffed.**

"Eggcuse me?"

 _"Nothing"_

"Uh-huh" Kuku (Genre of egg dishes cooked in a pancake or pattie shape with one or more ingredients) dismissed.

 **Basic Anime Guy left Parts & Service to find himself in the darkness of Funtime Auditorium.**

"Oh boy, better use my flash beacon...sparingly this time"

 **When our character used the flash beacon, Funtime Foxy instantaneously appeared in front of him and threw him to the ground.**

"Oh shit!"

 **Mr. Perfect Benedict tried to get up and run away, but Foxy pinned him down.**

"Finally, it's been weeks since anybodies gotten past Ballora, and into my auditorium" Funtime Foxy told Basic Boiled Egg.

"W-w-w-what does that mean for me?" the skinny anime guy asked in fear.

"It means we're gonna fuck~" the Funtime animatronic said sexually.

"Whoa, what? For real? Well then allow me to pull down my pants"

"Oh no sweetie. When I say we're gonna fuck, I mean that I'm gonna fuck you~"

 **Time seemed to stop for Basic Boswell as he felt something hard come from Funtime Foxy, and press between his thighs.**

"Is that your-"

"Yes~"

"Okay, before you do anything else, allow me to ask this one question" Scotch egg (A hard-boiled egg wrapped in sausage meat, coated in bread crumbs and baked or deep fried) pleaded.

"Hmm...okay, but only one~"

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because it's the only thing Fanfiction writers write about me, and the other versions of me~" Funtime Foxy answered.

"What Fanfiction writ-" Eggy was cut off by Funtime Foxy who put their hand over his mouth.

"I said only one question. Now..."

 **Funtime Foxy ripped both Eggs Benedict's pants and underwear off, and flipped his body over.**

"Tuck that ass~" Funtime Foxy cooed, about to penetrate our character's no entrance zone.

"WAIT WAIT WAI- AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH~" Owl Egg moaned femininely.

 **I would go into more detail about what happens next, but I don't want to bump this story's rating up to M. Plus, I would feel weird trying to write a sex scene anyway, so this is...The End...of Chapter 3.**

 _"So your just going to let our "employee" get anally raped?"_

 **You act you care *Sexual moaning goes on in the background***

 _"I don't, but why the dick and anal rape?"_

 **Because Funtime Foxy's gender is never specified, and because over 50% of the Fanfiction on this site with Foxy, or some variant of him in it, has them having sex.**

 _"Hm, okay. Hopefully you didn't trigger anybody"_

 **I do too Handy Manny.**

 _"Don't call me that"_

 **Cash me ousside.**

* * *

 **A/N: Alright, and that's the end of chapter 3. That RWBY parody I talked about in chapter 2 is going to happen after this story is complete. It'll be a** **pseudo sequel to this current one.**


	4. Night 4, Inside of Her

Chapter 4: Night 4, "Inside" of Her

 **A/N: I do not own the Five Nights at Freddy's franchise, and you better be glad I don't. Sorry for the late update, I was trying to finish a chapter for one of my other stories. Anyway, I pushed the boundaries for the T rating in this chapter, so mentally prepare yourself again.**

* * *

 **Chapter 4 of our story opens up with this basic anime character waking up inside a springlock animatronic suit.**

"Ugh...w-...where...am I?" Basic Buckwild asked himself groggily with a dry throat.

"Shh! Be still, and quiet. You've been sleeping for quite a while" a voice whispered.

"Who...who said...that" Okonomiyaki (Egg-and-flour mix cooked on a griddle with various added ingredients, having various styles) struggled to say due to him being tired.

"It's me, Baby"

"Baby? I'm not...anyone's baby...eggcept to my mom. Unless your calling me baby because I'm your boyfriend...but you shouldn't be calling me that since...I don't have a girlfriend"

"No, my name is Baby. Don't you remember me from your second night?" the animatronic whispered with slight disappointment.

"Oooohhhhh, Baby. Yeah...I remember you. Thanks for nothing about the...advice for getting through Ballora's Gallery...cause I didn't need it"

"What do you mean by that?" Baby questioned.

"I mean that I didn't need your advice since I ran through Ballora's Gallery the first time. Then the second time I actually did try your advice...I got caught, so thanks for nothing" our character elaborated with moisture returning in his mouth.

"Jackass"

"Look, I'm sorry. But your advice was pretty useless" Eggcellent Egg truthfully told Baby.

"Whatever. I think they noticed that you never left the building last night. The cameras are searching for you. But they couldn't find you"

"Why's that?" Egg Tart asked, curious for an answer.

"I have you hidden too well. I kidnapped you" the clown like animatronic creepily whispered.

"OH GOD! PLEASE NO!" Egg Custard screamed with all his might.

"Don't be afraid. I'm not going to hurt you"

"Oh, just like how you told me to take my time crawling through Ballora's Gallery?"

"This is different; I'm honestly not going to hurt you"

"Uh-huh" Divinity Egg huffed, not believing Baby.

"I am only going to keep you for a little while. Try not to wiggle though. You're inside something that came from my old pizzeria. I don't think it was ever used. At least, not the way it was ever meant to be used. Too dangerous. It's just big enough for one person to fit inside. But just barely"

"Oh God, my dick is in your vagina" Quindim (A baked dessert, made chiefly from sugar, egg yolks, and ground coconut) haphazardly assumed.

"Wh-what!? What the hell are you-"

"Please Baby, I can't do this again. Funtime Foxy already drained my egg rolls"

"...What...the FUCK...are you talking about?" Baby asked, weirded out by this conversation.

"My testicles, family jewels, nuts, balls, whatever you want to call em, Funtime Foxy already drained em!" Bai pong moan (A Cambodian dish, consisting of fried eggs and white rice) shouted.

"I-I still don't understand what the fuck your talking about" Baby slightly stuttered.

"I got fucked damn it! First Funtime Foxy did anal, then transformed their dick into vagina and had regular sex with me. Then they turned their vagina back into a dick anally FUCKED ME AGAIN...it was like a horrible NSFW Fanfiction" Humpty Dumpty revealed.

"Oh my God. I'm so sorry you got raped" the animatronic sorrowly apologized.

"Rape? Oh no, it's only rape if you didn't enjoy it and/or didn't give consent...well I technically didn't give consent, but I gave it mentally"

"...I'm not...I'm not continuing this conversation" Baby stated, flabbergasted as all get out.

"Okay, but please tell me my dick isn't in your vagina"

"YOUR DICK ISN'T IN MY VAGINA! Your WHOLE entire body is in my old Springlock suit! Jesus christ, why would you even think that!?" Baby questioned.

"Because you said I'm inside something from your old pizzeria, meaning that my dick was inside of you. It wasn't used the way it was meant to, meaning that your vagina was used for something else, God knows what. Too dangerous, which means inappropriate. Then barely big enough for one person to fit inside, which means someone's dick can barely fit inside" Eggs Benedict listed.

"I can see how that could be interpreted as sexual innuendos. But wouldn't you be able to feel your dick in vagina?"

"I can't feel anything below my waist" Tunisian tajine (A baked egg dish that has a ragout, a starch element is added and it is often served in squares) told Baby. "By the way, how long have I been in here?"

"Since last night"

"Oh, so it's early in the morning"

"No, you've been in there since your third night on the job. Currently it's your fourth night"

"WHAT!? I'VE BEEN IN HERE FOR OVER ALMOST 24 HOURS!?" Eggy shouted.

"Yeah. What's the big deal? You don't have a life outside of this establishment besides watching anime" Baby deadpanned.

"The big deal is that I haven't eaten, or used the bathroom in over 24 FUCKING HOURS!" Basic Bob pointed out.

"It's not my fault you humans need energy from food and have to expel waste" Baby dismissed, getting bored with the conversation.

"Are you EFF-ING kidding me right now!? And why would you put me inside an old Springlock suit instead of somewhere I could be seen by other people!?"

"...You're in the scooping room" Baby revealed, ignoring our character's question.

"WH-WHAT!? You're seriously going to brush my question off like it's nothing!"

"Do you know why they call it the Scooping Room?" Baby asked, still ignoring the kidnapped man.

"I can't believe this" Eggy Weggy said to himself in disbelief.

"It's because, dummy, this is the room where they use the Scooper. I thought that would be obvious" Baby answered for him.

"And I thought nobody could be as cockamamie as Hand Unit. But you proved me wrong"

 _"Do you even know what cockamamie means?"_ **Hand Unit interjected.**

Egg Dog had to take a moment to stop himself from flipping all the way out. "Hand Unit?"

 _"Yes?"_

"Did you know I was here the whole entire time?"

 _"Yes"_

"...You absolute MOTHERFUCKING piece of SHIT! YOU KNEW I WAS DOWN HERE SINCE LAST NIGHT AND DIDN'T FUCKING BOTHER TO COME GET ME!?"

 _"I'm basically a disembodied voice. So HOW could I come get you without a body?"_

"I...uh...um...damn it" Basic Brass Ass cursed to himself. "You really couldn't do anything, could you?"

 _"Nope. Unless the narrator gives me a body. Hint, hint"_

 **For the last time Hand Unit, I'm not giving you a body. You're a disembodied voice in the game, so you're a disembodied voice in my story. Just deal with it.**

 _"You take the fiction out of Fanfiction"_

 **And you don't put the hand in Hand Unit. Know why? 'Cause you don't have any hands.**

 _"...touché"_

"Isn't that a fun name for something?" Baby interrupted.

"Why are you still talking?" Eyerlekh (Creamy, flavorful unhatched eggs found inside just-slaughtered chickens and typically cooked in soup) asked, not caring about the Scooping Room.

"The Scooper. It sounds like something you would use for ice cream, or custard, or sprinkles. It sounds like something you would want at your-"

 _"No, seriously Baby. Why are you still talking? The joke about you ignoring our employee's predicament, and giving exposition about this room has run it's course"_ Hand Unit eggsplained to Baby, cutting her off.

The clown animatronic sucked her teeth in annoyance. "Come on Hand Unit, nobody ever gets this far for me to give exposition about the Scooping Room"

 _"Take it up with Ennard, the Narrator, or the general audience reading this story"_

"For the last time Hand Unit, there is no narrator or audience, it's all in your head" Baby stated. "And Ennard...he's...hm..."

"Wait wait wait. You know who Ennard is too?" Egg Cog asked Baby.

"Yeah, I know he exists, he's an animatronic, but-"

 **Loud noises from the Scooping Room's entrance started happening.**

"Uh-oh. It sounds like someone else is in the building. Shh!" Baby whispered.

"Okay" our noir haired character lied.

 **Two different men entered the room and began talking.**

"Okay, bring her over. More, mooore... okay, stop. Set her down. Waaatch the step" Unknown 1 told Unknown 2.

"What happened to it this time?" Unknown 2 asked.

"Just seems like these things can't go a day without breakin' down. Who knows, it's always the same guy. Somethin' about him having a 19 inch dick I think" Unknown 1 answered.

"Well- wait, what? 19 inches of dick meat? How is that possible?" Unknown 2 questioned in shock.

"Beats the ever livin' crap outta me" Unknown 1 responded.

"Well, I have to be somewhere in like, 15 minutes" Unknown 2 said, wanting to get out of there.

"You're gonna fuck that Foxy animatronic again, aren't you?" Unknown 1 questioned.

"No...I'm gonna yiff Funtime Foxy, and then get yiffed by them" Unknown 2 corrected.

"Same thing" Unknown 1 argued.

"No, the sexual context of fuck means to smash or get smashed with/by anyone or anything. Yiff specifically refers to sexual activity or sexual material within a furry fandom—this applies to sexual activity and interaction within the subculture whether in the form of cybersex or offline. But in my situation it's straight up sex with a furry animatronic" Unknown 2 elaborated.

"Fuck means the exact same thing, just in a general sense" Unknown 1 continued to argue.

"Whatever, this place gives me the creeps. Can we just get this over with?" Unknown 2 inquired, trying to hurry things along.

"It's all automated, we don't have to be here for it. Just get it on the rollers and we can-"

"HEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLPPPPP MMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Egg Nog of the North shouted with all his might.

"What the fuck!?" Unknown 1 cursed.

"I'm getting the hell out of here!" Unknown 2 yelled out as he ran towards the door, spooked from our basic character's sudden shouting.

 **Instead of running out of the Scooping Room like Unknown 2, Unknown 1 had the balls to find out where the scream came from. He approached the S** **pringlock Suit and peered in it's eye-holes.**

"What the?" Unknown 1 mouthed as he saw human eyes in the suit. "Is somebody in there?"

"Yes, I'm the new Security Guard and Technician! Please get me out of here! I've been trapped since yesterday night!" Eggs Royale (A variation on Eggs Benedict replacing the ham with smoked salmon) pleaded with the unnamed man.

"Sure dude" Unknown 1 bent down and grabbed the sides of the suit's waist. "Lemme just..." a loud clicking type of noise came from the suit, which opened the front half and let Mr. Benedict come stumbling out.

"Yo man, are oka-...urk, what's that smell!?" Unknown 1 asked, covering his nose.

"A combination of body odor, sweat, cum, and a little bit of shit from the anal fucking I received" Eggs Almighty listed.

"Cum and Shit!?"

"Funtime Foxy. Long story short, I got raped, but not technically since I enjoyed it and mentally gave consent. So can you please just direct me to the exit?"

"Alright alright, I'll show you the way the out" Unknown 1 said, disgusted by what he heard.

 **As the two made their way out of the establishment, they could hear thumping and sexual moaning coming from somewhere within Funtime Auditorium.**

"Damn sicko" Unknown 1 mumbled under his breath, referring to Unknown 2.

* * *

 **A/N: Done! Now if you excuse me I'll be working on the final chapter for this story. Yes, the final chapter. I thought about continuing this story with a Night 6 chapter about the DLC that came out for Sister Location. But I'm not sure if I'll go through with it since I really want to post that RWBY parody...or should I say Crackfic...or maybe even an** **abridged series...or maybe all three combined?**


End file.
